Endless


Authors Note-
thank you for your continued support since posting the video. Every comment and message I receive fuels me forward. And though I am stumbling through these moments of weakness and negativity, I have promised myself and those I love I won’t give up. Thank you.

Have you ever felt like something’s wrong with you? Deep, at the core. The feeling in your gut something is not right.

Maybe it’s the depression, or post-traumatic stress? Maybe it’s something worse than that?

One step forward, two steps back.

I’m so clichĂ© these days.

I’m the luckiest girl in the world, I have the best bf anyone could dream of, crazy cats who always make me laugh, and a family who loves me. So why do I still feel helplessly sad everyday? I’m supposed to be moving forward.

Inching along? Slow and steady?

I’m a fucking Taurus, too impatient for my own good. Faster the better. Sudden impulses excite me and keep me moving forward. But how can I move forward, even an inch, when I’m stuck in a heavy lull? Every muscle feels weighed down, trapped in my own madness.

I need movement. I miss moving. I miss having strength in my body to walk up and down the endless stairs of Tokyo. I could spend all day outside, by myself- just moving. Being me; just happy me.

Where is that girl? I want to find her again. I want to sit in the warm summer sun with her, without the dark thoughts following us there.

Pain levels are spiking; negative thoughts won’t stop flooding my mind. Sometimes the shooting pain is easier to bare than facing my inner monologues. So I’ll bare it tonight.

Tomorrow will be better. I will make it better, inch by inch.

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