Had another mental break last week. Not as bad as the one at work, I didn’t lose consciousness or experience any sort of flashback, but I certainly felt like completely giving up on myself.
Depression. Suicide. Suffering. Alone.
Been having panic attacks this week. The full on attacks had mostly subsided for the past while, about a month. But I’m getting them daily, sometimes more!
This week has been harsh emotionally; Greg’s been gone a month, Continue reading
Stuck. Anxious. Alone…
I’m not really alone, I’m never truly alone in the physical sense, but the feeling is ever present. Pressing on my fears.
Stuck. Can’t move forward. Don’t care to look back either. Just stuck in the minute by minute. Struggling to complete simple tasks, my brain feels trapped within itself.
Repeat. Haze. Wait.
But I don’t know what I’m waiting for. A phone call, a message, a sign… Where do I go from here? How do I change this rut? Am I going crazy? Will I ever be able to physically achieve my dreams? Anxiety builds and I’m frantic again.
I want to fix something I can’t explain or even know what needs fixing exactly. But it’s down right maddening.
In addition to this constant restlessness and chronic pain flares, I’ve been eating nonstop. I always feel hungry. Nearly 10lbs of stress munching and hormonal bloating.
It needs to stop. I feel even more heavy like this. It’s not healthy and it brings me more pain and depression when I look in the mirror.
I know I create beautiful images with photographers in the digital world of Photoshop defaults and ridiculous beauty standards. But here by myself in the real world, I’m rife with flaws and insecurities.
Glamour is fleeting.