Fatigue cradles me in her arms. The journey of finding self is exhausting. Yet strangely peaceful.
I feel my old insecurities shedding from my body. Less accusations and assumptions, more forgiveness.
I’m still scared, rather jumpy at times. The fear and anxiety indicted from loud strangers is a completely different battle than the inner nightmares I deal with every day.
One battle of control over my physical body reactions vs the battle of the voices and emotions inside my head.
Two sides of the same coin.
I’m ready to let the fearful girl die. Rather, I want to be ready, but who ever knows when healing is truly over?
I’m facing another fear tonight;
My doc is fast tracking my tests after checking two small lumps on the right side of my neck. With my night sweats and constant low energy, all tests will be done tonight and tomorrow. (Blood, chest X-ray, ultrasound)
That’s enough to get anyone nervous, I suppose. Obviously I’m hoping it’s just a cyst or something benign; but the dark fears in me scream out during times like this. You smile and try to convince yourself it’s nothing of huge worry; simultaneously on the inside you’re screaming in fear.