“When love hurts”

“When love hurts; a woman’s guide to understanding abuse in relationships” is a book by Jill Cory & Karen McAndless-Davis. Really informative, it opened my eyes to all the different types of abuse I endured from my ex. It helps me forgive myself a little, and explains a bit as to why my mindset was so completely off kilter.

I have compiled the list to iron out what I need to work through, everyone is different of course. There are other types of abuse like when religion or children/pets are involve. At least I was the only one suffering and that’s some comfort in a strange way.


Cultural Abuse: using his culture as an excuse for the abuse, putting down my culture and my way of thinking, forcing me to act as a Japanese girl, blames language barriers for his death threats, blames my culture for my “horrible” behaviour

Emotional Abuse: blaming me for everything, using guilt, silent treatment, withholding affection, being jealous, threatening

Intellectual Abuse: manipulation, mind games, making me prove things to him, testing me, always demanding perfection/more

Financial Abuse: counting everything I spend/scrutinizing receipts, demanding I pay 50% to the last yen- regardless of circumstances or if it’s an item that I’m not taking back to my home country, always gets angry about money, controlling where I spend my money,

Property Abuse; destroys all my stuff in a jealous rage, kicked/punched holes in cupboards, throwing things, punched and broke magazine-stand at train station

Psychological Abuse: threatening suicide, aggressive and threatening gestures, threatening to kill me, denying things he said, making light of the abuse and threats he made claiming he was “joking”

Verbal Abuse: swearing, name calling and endless insults, always yelling

Sexual Abuse: threatened to have an affair and then sex with prostitutes, looking at porn and call girl websites in front of me, he raped me and then tried to say I owed it to him.

The Cycle


Please believe me

Ephiphanys can be a bitch.

Lost in your own thoughts, when suddenly- something clicks!

“Oh! That’s why…”

I begin to see patterns in how I have let people treat me and talk down to me before. And I am beginning to understand my fear of telling others who my rapist is or that it really happened. I’ve been through a similar betrayal of “I don’t believe you”, out of the blue before…

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